on small business and being wrong.

Yesterday I shipped out my very first Etsy order! I was all aflutter, a mixture of nerves and excitement and worry. This is the first time I have made artwork to sell. For a stranger. I even felt a little anxious about how straight my packing label was (not very). But there was something very thrilling and satisfying about holding that thick envelope filled with something I made that someone else wanted for their wall!

Thennnn I had the heart-sinking realization that my descriptions were inaccurate. Ugh. (Apparently "archival" and "acid-free" don't mean the same thing. Or so says this guy.) So I had to backtrack. I just finished writing an apologizing-and-explaining email to the very nice man who bought a portrait from me. I pretty much felt like a moron/charlatan. Not great.

Anyway. Being wrong gives me a stomach ache. But this whole small business thing is all a learning process, right?

My baby is awake and needs a snuggle. At least I've got that skill down pat. :)

Your heart home.

Do you have a place where your heart feels at home?

I'm not talking about the place you grew up, the place you called home for the first time or even the house where you keep your honey and your pillow and your stash of chocolate hidden in the corner of the pantry. I'm talking about that place that, when you go to it, when your body crosses a border--city, county, state, country--into it, its like your whole soul breathes a sigh of relief.

I grew up in Orange County and for the past five (five?!) years we've lived (and worked, schooled, dreamed, snacked, loved, befriended, played, and grown by two babies) in North Carolina. And while home to me at almost-twenty-nine is really more a person (or people) than a physical location, I have to admit that sometimes my heart longs for a cool summer breeze blowing in through the car window as we drive down an almost-empty Saturday stretch of the 5 freeway into San Diego.

I don't even want to calculate the years it has been since we were last there. It is too many. Life is good here--spring, birdsong, green trees, and sunshine--but tonight I am homesick for my heart home.

If you happen to be crossing the county lines into San Diego sometime this summer, please eat a taco for me. Make it a good one.

Colorworld

A few years ago I sent a facebook message to Rachel Kelly, a woman from church who I didn't really know all that well. I'd heard through the grapevine that she had written a couple of (unpublished) novels, and since I'd been working on my sweet (and seemingly endless? haha) book for a while at that point, I was curious how another mom was finding time to write. I asked her a couple of simple questions, she responded with some book recommendations and her thoughts about publishing (she would probably do it someday), and that was about it.

Fast forward to autumn of last year. The hubs and I were traveling a lot as he enjoyed the simultaneously harried and relaxed schedule of a fourth year med student, and as we were preparing to leave for another looooong trip, I got a message from Rachel. She'd decided it was time to get her book out into people's hands, and she needed an editor. She'd read my blog. She liked my writing style. She wanted me. (!)

It was both a daunting and an exciting proposition. I've always loved editing papers (I did it freelance for other students in college, did critiques in round tables in all my upper division writing classes, and edited a magazine my father-in-law had for a short time) but oh man--to edit an entire book? AND be a mama! I wasn't sure I could do it. And, okay--what if her book wasn't good? How can you tell someone you know (but not well!) that you think their book needs a lot of work???

But Rachel sent me the first twenty pages so I could take a look. And (*phew!*) they were very promising. Her story was was different than anything I'd read before. In fact, I was kind of excited to take the job just to see where her plot lines were going.

So we worked out the businessy stuff (deadline, fee, expectations) and she sent me the full manuscript of Colorworld. I was one of the first people to ever get to read it. Like, I got to read it before her husband did. (But he's cool with that, don't worry.) Still, that is a pretty cool thing, right? And then I was going to get to talk to the author about her book. In detail. In excruciating detail! I was a Lit/Writing major in college, so that is basically my version of heaven. :)

I printed it out (several hundred pages), picked out a red pen, and got to work.

 I helped make that manuscript into this book!!! Yay!!!

I can't tell you how much fun it was to read a book and then get to tell the author what I thought: what I liked, what I hated, what made sense, what was confusing. Yes, I made grammatical corrections, pointed out inconsistencies, and added punctuation suggestions. But as Rachel's editor I also got to go through her story line by line and help her cut out the fat, dig deeper into her characters, and basically play devil's advocate. When I boxed up her copy and mailed it out to North Dakota, I was relieved and exhilarated. I couldn't wait to hear back from her, to talk more about the talented/cursed Wendy, overbearingly educated Gabe, quirky Ezra (he's my favorite character), and the freaky-calm-yet-terrifying Louise.

Over the last year I've had the privilege of editing two more books in her Colorworld series (yes, I know what happens next! It just gets better from here--book 3 is my favorite so far!) I finished marking up the third installment in the series literally hours before I went to the hospital to deliver my now-9-week-old-baby. (Since she was induced, it was an item on my last-day-of-pregnancy to-do list: Rachel's book!!!) We've written countless emails arguing the merits of comma placement, engaging in intense philosophical discussions about the realities of real-life relationships, and even going over potential changes in the structure of individual sentences. So I feel pretty confident in telling you that Rachel has written and rewritten, refined her stories and the way she tells them, until it is glaringly obvious that these books were a labor of love.

Colorworld was released on Amazon on December 24th! (SO EXCITED FOR RACHEL!) And guess what? She actually put my name on her title page, just below hers, with an editing credit. Not tucked in the acknowledgements at the back--on her title page. Isn't that the sweetest, most generous thing? I was floored. I am still kind of in shock. It was an amazing feeling to see my name in print like that! I've always wanted to have a book published--and eventually I will get my own out there--and Rachel gave me such a lovely, thoughtful gift in lending me such a prominent credit on something she worked so incredibly hard on.

My name! Is on! The title page! !!!   !!!!!

Rachel is self-published, which means word of mouth is incredibly important to help her book find its audience! So if you're looking for a new read--something fun and engaging, a paranormal/sci-fi-style love story that makes you ask questions--you should give Colorworld a look. It's available for Kindle here (it's only $2.99), and it will be out in paperback in late January 2014. (Or you can borrow it for free if you have a Kindle and Amazon Prime. Or I think I can lend it to you through Kindle...?) And if you read it, help my girl out by giving it a star rating and quick review on Amazon and/or here at Goodreads!

{motherhood} things I love, and don't

things that are hard


Discipline. I hate disciplining them. Gracie has been going through another testing phase lately. Pushing against the rules that bind her to being three-almost-four, trying to be more independent, assert her own desires and will.

That is natural. It is understandable. I don't like being bossed around either. But I had to have my turn there, and that is how this part goes. So there have been lots of consequences, lots of time outs, and I even sat on the floor and cried after she went to bed one night. Where is my sweet, lovely girl, and what have I done to force her away?

Steve told me I haven't done anything wrong. That it is just a phase. I know that, in my mind, but so much of mothering goes on in your heart, doesn't it?

She is already talking about how I won't be in charge of her when she is eighteen.

And I just keep thinking... don't be in such a hurry to grow up....

those things are hard. But there are so many things I love.


things I love

The smell of their hair when its all dried off after a bath.

Their laughter in another room; that it means they are playing happily together, unrefereed, and that their love has lit the other up from the inside.

How Charlie backs up into my lap now with a book in his chubby hands and says, "Book! Book" until I read, and, when we finish, says, "Book! Book!" until I read it again.

Finding toys set up around the house after bedtime or during naptime. Last night a plastic horse stood sentinel outside Charlie's bedroom door as he slept.

When they are kind to someone else, on their own, when they don't know I am watching.

How Gracie worries for anyone who is injured.

When she makes a connection between a word we've read in morning scripture study and the real world and shouts something like, "WILDERNESS!?!?! THAT'S LIKE IN THE SCRIPTURES!!!!!!!!"

That pleased little smile babies get when they accomplish something new. Proud of themselves. The I-did-it smile.

Their cheeks. I could kiss their cheeks all day long. I do. Every time I pick them up, I kiss their cheeks.

How they lay their heads on my shoulder when they're tired.

How they both insist on cramming themselves onto my lap--together--when we read.

When they lean back against me during a good story and relax into the moment.

How Gracie wants to be like me, dress like me, wear chapstick and brush her hair. How she beams under praise. How she loves hard and fiercely, like I do. How I know her so well, because she is so much like me.

Charlie's mischievous smile, the aw-come-on-just-one-more-time! smile that steals across his face when I've caught him climbing up the couch or pushing the button on a forbidden electronic device.

How they hug my legs.

How Gracie draws pictures of me, and tells me I "look like a doll" and tells her daddy that he "looks so handsome."

How sweet they look when they sleep.

How happy/bubbly/energetic they are in the morning.

How Gracie always tries to climb into bed with me when she wakes us up (the MINUTE her clock says 7:00).

can you think of nothing?

I find myself in need of an outlet.

Which is funny, because sometimes I think all I do is outlet. I sew, I draw, I write, but more importantly I talk talk talk to anyone who will listen.

I think it is because my brain works so fast. It is a constant whir of thought, drawing connections, daydreaming, worrying, making lists, making comparisons, remembering, forgetting, forgiving and occasionally beating myself up, but not so much of the latter anymore.

If I don't talk and write and draw and sew and shop, it all just stays in there whirling around and, quite honestly, making me tired.

Sometimes I will be laying beside Steve on a lazy morning when the kids don't make us get up too early, and I'll ask him that ever present question, "What are you thinking about?" and he will say, "Nothing."

I used to not believe him. Not because I thought he was lying, but because I didn't think it was possible. But after five years of marriage and plenty of discussion, I realize that it is possible. Just not for me. I am a little envious of that talent.

What about you? Can you think of nothing? It seems like it would be very nice. :)

not really writer's block.

I've stumbled through writers block before. Sometimes months at a time. But now that I've surpassed my 60,000 word goal, I'm finding not so much that I can't think of anything to write--I've actually finally got a TON of things to put on paper, and I can feel the plot pacing speeding up to a thrilling speed--but that I can't seem to get things down fast enough.

This is its own kind of problem. I know I have places to go now, things for my characters to do and say and discover, but I am so discouraged by all the many tiny steps it will take to get there. 60,000 words seemed like such a huge accomplishment, but not I realize I've done that much, and I'm still not finished. I feel a little deflated again.

Sitting down to write, getting through the backstory to get to the good stuff, is even more frustrating to write than it is to have to read. You know those few pages you skim because you know something good is coming? You can't really skim it when you're writing it. :p

This is just part of life, this feeling, but it is terrible to be discouraged, nonetheless.

I think that might be another reason to pour yourself into lots of things you love. I'm cutting together family videos, working on new sewing projects, taking photos (I'm doing pictures for two families tomorrow) and daydreaming about art projects. Little victories make this long haul part seem not so bad.

I love writing it, but I also kind of wish it was just done.

refashion #1 + tons more words

Change freaks me out.

It's not that I consciously think about how things are changing, but just, when I feel a big change creeping up on me, I get a ton of nervous energy, which, if I don't channel it into something productive, will just demolish all my good intentions. And since we have a lot of change on the horizon (tons of our friends are leaving, and a year from now, we will be, too!) I've had a lot of that energy! So, I've been doing lots of projects.

One of them is refashioning! I am obsessed with one of our local thrift stores--I sneak over there at least once a week to browse by myself for name brand clothes for pennies on the dollar (GAP jeans? $2.50!) or search for things that could be cute, with a little help. I really just needed some easy dresses to wear in the summer because it gets HOT here. So they don't have to be perfect, just wearable-to-the-grocery-store.

My favorite find so far is this lovely number, which the hubs eyed suspiciously and (aptly) called a "mumu."

Sorry I'm not wearing it and that the floor has stuff on it and that this picture is terrible. But I think you can tell it is HUGE.

I paid $10 for it, which is A TON by my thrifting standards, but I just loved the buttons and the print so much, that I decided it was worth it.

And a little pinning and some time with my 1970's sewing machine, and I decided I was right.

Oh, and in other news, today I hit 60,000 words. Which is novel length (mine doesn't have an ending, though, so it will be longer than that, obviously). But no big deal... Just kidding. BIG DEAL!!! I am excited. :)

almost 49,000 words and ⌘ + Shift + 4

Every weekday during the kids' naptimes I work on my book. For almost all of last month I hated it. I had terrible writers block. I knew where I was going, but I was slogging through the pages so slowly. Sometimes I was lucky to get a couple hundred words down. The places I was going had fun, exciting scenes to write, but the pages I had to fill to get there were grueling to write, because they were the every day things that lead to the interesting things.

But you can't have a meaningful first kiss if there's no reason for you to love the boy, right?

So I had to write them. But man, I hated it.

This month has been more fun. I'm averaging about 1,000 words a day, give or take about a hundred. I think about my characters during the day, zone out driving thinking about how to get something to happen, and have to tune back in to my girlie asking questions about lizards or what have you from the back seat. It's been exciting. As you see above, I'm almost up to 49,000 words. Check it out:

Are you trying to read it? Don't. I'm pretty sure the gaussian blur will attack your retinas.

48,862! 60,000 is a full-fledged novel length (but my story has far longer to go before it's finished, I think). Still. Thats a ton of writing. A ton of naptimes. I don't think I've ever gotten this far, at least not since I wrote a slightly embarrassing "novel" start to finish at age 14. You can imagine the kind of things a 14 year old would write in a novel, I'm sure.

No, you can't read it! How terrible! There is enough bad writing out there without you reading something I wrote when I was 14. (Which is also what I tell myself on the days that I think I am a terrible, terrible writer. I just figure, I've seen some pretty terrible things in print, so even if I have no talent, that doesn't mean I shouldn't eventually get published. Persevere!)

About twice a month I want to screen capture something on my Mac, but I always forget how and have to google it. If you're wondering, it's ⌘ + Shift + 4.

that awkward moment...

Have you guys seen those "That awkward moment when..." memes floating around the internet?

Or, okay, a little more relatable:

both from here.

Which yes, I do that all the time. (I'm pretty sure I choke on my own spit WAY MORE often than on, say, food.)

Or, you know, like...

That awkward moment when you get into a dressing room at a store after doing like five million other things and talking to a bunch of people and look in the mirror and realize your fly is down.

That awkward moment when you hit SEND before you actually finished your text message.

That awkward moment when you realize that your baby has pooped all over her clothes on an airplane and the only thing you have to dress her in is a crop-top sweater and some sweat-shorts.


NOT that any of these things have happened to me.


What about that awkward moment when your BFF gets her 4-year-wish granted, and you want to cry because it means she is moving away from you, probably forever?

I know, I know. That's really more sad than awkward, right? But it is still totally awkward. I just saw her, and she was so happy, and I just wanted to cry. I haven't yet. But I did eat a whole Ghiradelli brownie this morning. Well before lunchtime. Which is pretty much the same thing.

I don't want to bum you out, though, even though I am totally in need of some B&J, A&E P&P, & a good cry. (Sadness requires a lot of ampersands, FYI.) So I'm going to leave you with some more awkward moments (again, definitely NOT from my life, but if they were, MOST of them would be from a long time ago):


That awkward moment when you fall asleep at your friends' house during a movie and wake up realizing you've drooled on their pillow.

That awkward moment when you're walking backwards trying to talk to a guy you like, and you accidentally run into a trashcan and almost knock it over and everybody laughs.

That awkward moment when you're riding your bike and decide to spit your gum out and it gets caught in your hair.

That awkward moment when someone congratulates you on your marriage by saying "Enjoy it while it lasts."

That awkward moment when you mutter "You suck" at someone under your breath and they turn around and say, "What?" (Okay I have to cop to this one just because I have to say that this happened in high school and I would never ever do that as a "grown up")

That awkward moment when you're talking to a boy you like and your backpack gets hooked on a ladder and you get jerked backward and everybody laughs.

That awkward moment when you fall in mud that looks like poop and have to call your mom to bring you new pants.

That awkward moment when you learn HTML encoding and build a website like a huge geek to impress a guy and then find out he doesn't know how to do either of those things. (But at least you ended up kind of loving it and getting a job post-college because of it.)

That awkward moment when you're meeting a bunch of people for the first time and your pants split and you have to low-ride your bag over your bum and stay seated for as long as much as possible so nobody can see your underwear.

That awkward moment when a bird poops on your head at lunch break and your friends have to help you wash your hair in the middle school bathroom.


...man, I didn't realize there were so many of these. If you're wondering how I still ended up realatively well adjusted and had steady boyfriends in high school and lots of friends and married a super cool guy I will tell you the secret:

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF, ASAP.

Because birds poop on your head no matter who you are.

...I was kind of meaning to write about my BFF and how much I am going to miss her, but I feel like this post got waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off track somehow.

...awkward.

thoughts & confessions

Does anybody else wander through their day thinking of status updates to write, and then never writing them?

I do this way too often. I think it is because I am a little bit narcissistic. Or no, not exactly narcissistic, but I like to talk about myself. Or I want everyone to validate that what I'm thinking IS AWESOME.

For example, status updates I could write right now, if I hadn't just written one like an hour ago (I don't do more than one in a day unless something crazy happens. I don't know, it is one of my internal rules. My moral compass. You shouldn't have to experience that much of my day... But in case you wanted to here are the things I could "update" you with.)


Is it weird that, after finishing Mindy Kaling's book (Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me) I feel like I know her and could just call her "Mindy"?

There is nothing as exciting as knowing a box of books is making its way toward your porch through the mail!

I've had a sore throat for a week and it won't go away. It isn't a bad one, but it is annoying.


Aren't you guys so glad I told you about that stuff?

And while we're at it, I have to unburden myself with some confessions.

1. I think about dessert a lot. It is seriously a huge motivating factor when I am at the gym. I LOVE DESSERT. In fact, since I've been calorie counting, I plan my day so I can have dessert within that calorie limit. And I'm not talking about a Fiber One 90 calorie bar. Ghiradelli brownie or bust.
   .
2. For the life of me I cannot remember the difference between it's and its. No matter how many times I look it up.   If you are thinking No big deal, you are wrong. For one, I'm an English major with a life dream of writing a book. Its and it's matters in my world. And for another, I am almost rudely critical of all things grammatical. Your and you're. They're, there, their. Left out commas. The list goes on. So I guess this is the universe's way of putting me in my place.
   .
   (If you were wondering, sentence fragments don't bother me, conversationally writing.)

{motherhood} : survival mode

I had intended to do lots of things last month, not just try to abandon yelling. But life goes so slow sometimes, and so fast others. February was the month of everyone being sick. An ear infection, pink eye, colds, stomach flu and another (or continuation of the previous?) ear infection, all crammed in to three weeks, each of us effected by at least two of the listed items.

survival mode is okay.

Did you know that?

I have to remind myself of it periodically. That some days as long as everyone is fed and wearing a clean diaper/undies and we've tried our best to be nice, that is good enough to mark the day as a good one. Maybe dinner was Cheerios. Maybe we watched Sid the Science Kid before bed because Mommy couldn't bring herself to read another story. But when everything is falling apart at the seams, that is okay. When it comes to order and homekeeping, I tend to be a little more Lucy Ricardo than June Cleaver anyway. Or at least, I'd much rather be Lucy than June.

Though the hubs has yet to yell at me in Spanish.

Anyway sometimes when things suddenly feel really hard and I am just completely incapable of accomplishing one more thing, I look around and assess the situation. Last month the kids were sick. On occasion, I am hit with a month-long battle: my sunny disposition versus my ever-threatening issues with depression. Or maybe the hubs is doing a difficult rotation, and is just gone a lot. I look at these things, and that my kids are still laughing and eating crayons or what have you, and then I give my self permission to just survive for a few more days, and I put my head down and we get through it.

Survival mode is okay. And a good thing, too.

{motherhood} #1: speak softly.

source

I came across this little number last month, during my daily pilgrimage (okay, one of many daily pilgrimages) through Pinterest. I felt like I'd just smashed face-first into a wall.

The kids got up from their naps, and things went poorly in the obedience department, and the more I thought about this quote the more horrified I became, because, despite my best intentions I realized that I had become a yeller.

It kind of made me sick to my stomach, to be honest. Putting those sweet things to bed that night, kissing my sleeping girlie when I went in to put her blankets back on before I went to bed. How could I yell at these kids? But I did. Frequently.

no yelling.

So my first focus has been simple: no yelling. My kids were kind of getting immuned to it (I hate admitting this, but there it is), and that is BAD because what if there is a car about to clip them or something that a good yell could call attention to, and they don't listen to it because Mom always yells?

speaking softly


I love Proverbs. It is just full of good advice. Like this in 15:1:

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

I'm trying this, too. To speak softly--use my "indoor voice" if you will. A lot of times that means I have to walk down the hall to stop a fight instead of just yelling for someone to stop it!!! And sometimes it means I am bodily carrying someone to timeout instead of yelling them there.

But it also means that my kids are hearing more, instead of just reacting to volume. Especially my tender girl, who is so so in tune to people's feelings already. I think it is important to get down on her level, look into her eyes, and really talk to her about things.

So step one, for me, is no yelling--speak softly.

Well. Unless there's a fire. Or a really cool trash truck they have to run to the front door to see.

{check-in} writing, fitness, this month's goal, & etc.

So, blog, I haven't been super loyal to you lately. Sorry. But I know you'll understand. Because when we started this goal-tracking thing back in the day (well, you know, last Fall) the deal was no guilt, just pick up and keep moving.

Anyway part of your abandonment has been for good stuff. All that time I was spending on Pinterest and reading emails and blogs and finding coupons and other rationalized-time-wasting stuff during naptime? Well, that whole 2 hours every weekday is now spent working on my book. I've been researching and emailing up a storm contacting experts (and one of them even sent me an 88-page draft of a project he's been working on, which thrilled me to pieces in a super-geeky way) so I can learn more about what I'm writing. And I've also been writing a lot lot lot. We are almost up to 30,000 on the rewrite, and I finally know where everything is going, and how things are going to tie in. So sorry I haven't been writing to you about it--I've been busy enjoying just doing it (or forcing myself to, depending on the day).

Part of it is burn out. I don't know what it is about January. I think a lot of things. Like I'm starting to realize that our life is going to go through upheaval again soon--starting this May when a huge mass of our friends move on to residency and new jobs (I'm happy for them, but a little sad for me) and compounding with the hubs' away rotation(s), match day (ours is in December), and them a move and my girlie starting kindergarten. I know some of this is a long time (over a year) away, but I think we all get it--change is hard.

And I know in my brain that all this exercising and calorie counting is making a difference. I have dropped a lot of poundage, I've gotten better at ignoring the pain of workouts, and I am a regular gym-goer, usually 5 days a week, but even a bad week is usually still a 3-dayer. So that is progress. But I don't look the way I thought I would after 3 months. I am lighter, stronger, but not trimmer. And I'm not going to lie--I'm a little bummed out. And I miss eating just for enjoyment. Without portion control. I know that's silly--moderation in all things, right? But, at least with brownies, I like not so much moderation.

Good news, though!

I chose a goal to focus on for February. Since it's such a lovey month, I decided to work on the goal I've been kind of nervous about touching: being a better mom. Or maybe what I mean is being a more true-to-myself mom. There are some wonderful things from my childhood that I cherish: reading with my mom, art projects, family "field trips"... And I haven't been super great at doing these with my kids so far. I want to focus in on what I want my kids to learn, love, and focus on, decide how best to teach those things, and slowly start putting them into practice.

It's going faster than I expected it to. I only have Gracie home all day for another year-and-a-half. I want to make it count.

{the dream} Writing the Book

I just emailed a stranger to ask him about an old landmark in San Francisco, which he visited as a boy in the 1930's, and told him I was doing some research because I am writing a novel.

I actually wrote that, to a stranger. So now its not just you who knows. Strangers know. Or at least one will, when he opens his email. If it didn't go into his spam folder.

Actually, if you like history and humor, you should take a look at his website. He is an 89 year old gentleman and writes about life in the 20's and 30's--and he's pretty funny. I'm really hoping he writes me back.

Its been kind of funny, the things I've looked up researching just random things for this book--its not going to be a great work of historical fiction or anything, but I find that I am writing things a little out of my scope of knowledge. And I want to be right if I can, because someone somewhere with a much broader scope of knowledge might pick it up, and I don't want them to toss it aside because I use a poor metaphor or give some bad information. Here are just a few of the things I've looked up, book related:

caves breathing (like this one in Australia)
English cucumber tea sandwich recipe (like this one)
How to type French accents on a Mac (keyboard shortcuts)
the top baby names of 1951 (here are the top 100, if you're wondering)
Betsy-Tacy books (they have their own society!)

So, can you guess what its about?

Actually, most of these are not at all related to the plot--they are the background stuff, but I feel like a lot of times that is what makes a book feel real. It has been pretty fun, actually, learning new things like this. Sort of at random. I haven't focused on learning a lot of non-parenting/marriage/household new things since I've been out of school & not formally working.

And now that I've looked through my google search history, I'm a little disturbed by how much of my life gets typed in to google. Hmm...

{thinking out loud} lighten up, it's just fashion!

Guys, according to my mom as a child I would walk into a room, ask a question, and then leave. Without waiting for a response. Because I liked the sound of my own voice. :)

So this is basically that. I mean, you're probably not going to get much helpful out of this.

fashion.


Um you guys, thank goodness for Pinterest. (Here's me on Pinterest.) I swear I did not know how to dress myself beyond T-shirt and jeans before this website came about. But as I have slowly pinned things onto my fashion board, I have realized that I have a sense of style! Holy vintage dresses, Batman!

Here's what I like:

Neutrals, jeans, layers, and a nice pop (or two!) of color.

Flirty vintage (or vintage inspired) dresses.

Layers for interest.

(How gorgeous is her hair, too?!)

Retro lines, bright colors.

I could never pull off this bathingsuit, by the way. Toooo many curves.

(Too late at night to post all the photo credits, but you can find them all here.)

important (?)

Here's the thing, though, you guys. I mean... Should I buy leggings? Leggings are so in right now. I think you wear them under dresses and with boots and such, but guys, my thighs. In leggings. The world has not seen the likes of that since I was in about 6th grade, with my oversized shirt tied at the hip. You know what I'm talking about? There's got to be a small small gap between the bottom of the shirt/dress and the top of the boots for me to dive into the leggings trend.

But Santa is for sure brining me a skinny belt for my layers.

Okay that's all I have to say about fashion. Hopefully I start looking like I can dress myself soon. Before I'm 27. Seems like you should be able to dress yourself by then.

also p.s. did you get the PR quote as the title?


Thank you, Santino, for our favorite season of Project Runway ever (it was like 5 years ago) which we watched on DVD and still quote on occasion. ("Where's Andre!?")

{Money Smarts} Anatomy of a (Mostly) Money-Saving Grocery Trip

I'm not a hardcore "couponer." I mean, I use coupons, but I don't devote a good portion of my day to searching, clipping, organizing, and driving to several stores with kids in tow. I use them, but there are actually a lot more ways to save on your grocery bill. Most of them are pretty easy, so I thought I'd share, using today's real world, average day shopping trip example:

Total Spent: $31.65

Total Saved: $29.88

Ready?

The Receipt

This is the receipt from an everyday grocery trip. You'll notice that I paid a reasonable amount ($31.65), not $1.75 for everything. But you'll also notice that I saved almost as much as I spent ($29.88! Are you wondering where that number came from since it isn't on the receipt? I'll tell you later.). And most of it was pretty easy. Read on and I'll break it down for you.

Buy On Sale.

We've talked about this before. Store sales go in 6-week cycles, so the best way to buy is to grab what you need at the lowest price point. Glancing at my receipt I found only 3 things I bought that were not on sale--sour cream, salt, and our favorite salad dressing--added up to about $5.

I could have saved that $5, but these I felt were worth spending the few extra cents on because we had things at home waiting for them (like, for the dressing, 6 heads of lettuce from Costco that would spoil) and we are picky about our brands of a couple things. Also, my dressing stockpile had run out.

Use a Store Rewards Card.

The store I shop at--Harris Teeter, we'll call it HT--has a rewards card AND a bonus online program called e-VIC. If you sign up for their card and bring it in, you get discounts. If you sign up for their online program, you get unadvertised discounts! They have great deals on the weekends that they email to you, and I was able to score a freebie today because I had some coupons & my e-VIC card. Oooh!

So sign up for it.

Oh! And it also helps with those coupons that get printed out for you at the end with your receipt--they track what you buy so they can print relevant coupons.

Store Card Coupons.

Guess what? Some stores allow you to load online-coupons right onto your store card (no printing!). Those will work in conjunction with paper coupons, so you can get a deeper discount! Woo!


Paper Coupons.

Don't be afraid! They help. More discussion of non-scary-coupon-tactics coming up.

Find Out About Additional Discounts.

My brilliant friend Nicole recently wrote an AWESOME post about dozens of ways to save money (on all kinds of things). You should read it; it will blow your mind. One thing she mentioned was that she got stores to let her use her husband's student discount even when he wasn't there.

HT offers a 5% discount to students, but I'd always missed out on it because the hubs is usually at school when I shop. Today I tried Nicole's suggestion and just told them (honestly! Don't lie guys--keep your karma clean) that my husband was a med student and asked if I could have the discount. They gave it to me no problem, even without his ID.

Soooooo check if your grocery store has discounts that apply to you! Military, Hospital/Government/Teacher, age relevant (HT also has an Over 55 discount on Tuesdays), etc. Just ask at customer service if they do discounts.

Paying with a Rewards Card.

I mentioned before that the hubs and I use mostly credit cards (which we pay off in full at every statement, so we carry no balance and pay no interest charges) because they offer rewards per dollar like miles or cash. So every time I pay a bill or buy groceries, I'm getting a little of it back.

Did I mention Online eCoupons?

Okay so the bottom of my receipt says $27.88 in savings, but I wrote that my end number was $2 more. That is because I used an eCoupon from SavingStar. (FYI--Upromise has a similar program.) You sign up with them, register your store card, and then choose the coupons you want online. They get notified after you buy the items in question, and add the coupon amount to your account.

You get a payout of a giftcard to somewhere (Target, Amazon, you choose) at $5. So today I used two of those, 1 for cereal and 1 for crackers, and saved that additional $2. :)

One More Thing... Split Big Deals!

My friend Melissa tipped me off to a great sale on buy-three-get-one-free oranges at Whole Foods--20lbs for $15! I never pay less than $0.99/lb, so 75 cents was too sweet a deal--but there is no way we can go through that many oranges before they spoil.

So I called my neighbor and asked if she wanted in--we split it and each got 10lbs for $7.50.

The hubs will be a happy man when he sees these babies waiting for him in the kitchen. ;)

{Check-In} November Fitness Report

Friends: I weigh 108.25lbs.

I am only 3.25lbs away from my goal weight.

I. AM. SO. EXCITED!!!

November was easier and harder than month one of this. I know you're sick of hearing about calorie counting, but since I'm still working on it, I'm still writing about it. This month it was easier, because I'm starting to get a feel for estimating calories and portion sizes, so I don't have to look everything up or measure/weigh everything quite as much. But I also got tired of watching what I eat. I love to eat. It was hard.

That said, I am kind of shocked that it is still working. I always thought weight loss was this mystical thing--some people exercise and fat melts off, others can't seem to kick it. For no apparent reason. And I was really stubborn about not wanting to count my calories, because lets face it--it sounds intense and obsessive. And kind of like a party-killer. But its not. I was wrong. It is the "magic" solution. Even if I didn't exercise, I could still lose about a pound a week just by knowing how much was going in and how much I used up during the day. It is crazy. Anyway, if you are trying and failing (like I was FOREVER) to lose weight, consider learning more about it.

Calorie-Counting-Without-Imploding Strategies


This month I noticed just how crazy I was going trying to stay within my 1200 weight-loss-calories per day, so I came up with some strategies to help me be a normal person but still get these last darn pounds off my body. Here they are:

• Save Them Up. I love eating with the hubs. I don't know why, I just do. Especially dessert. Seriously, what could be better than eating dessert with a cute guy, right? So I save up my calories for the meals I'm eating with him. I keep it low-cal for breakfast and lunch (under 300 if I can) so that I've got a good 600 calories waiting for me for dinner/dessert.
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• Work Out. Obviously. Earn more calories by exercising. Totally worth it to me to go 30 minutes on the elliptical so I can eat a Ghiradelli brownie. I think I've said this before.
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• Take a Day Off... Sort Of. Some days you need to have a smoothie without feeling bad about it. (Or, okay, a package of Reese's cups.) So on those days, I eat my "maintain your weight" amount of calories, which is 310 more (or even MORE if I exercise!) So like, Thanksgiving weekend? Every day was a 1510 day. I didn't lose an ounce--but I didn't gaine one either. And I got to eat lots of yummy things.
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• Remember Why. When I'm reaching for a cookie and hesitate, I think about why I'm doing this. Part of it is because I want to look good, but most of it is because I've never gone this far before. I've never bothered to take care of my body this well, or been on the track to look & feel this good. Some days I still need the cookie. But most days, I don't.

I don't feel that Kate Moss is a good role model as far as healthy weight goes, but she did say one thing that stuck in my mind, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." We should probably replace "skinny" with "healthy" or "fit" but other than that, its an interesting thought. I think it to myself a lot when I'm fighting my stubborn I-want-to-eat-all-day side.

The Rest

I'm glad I got off my butt and tried to do this, even though I thought I couldn't. It has been really empowering. I'm thankful for a husband who treats this as a real, legitimate goal--he goes to the gym when he can and high-fives me for going on my own when he can't. He counts calories when he cooks so I can enter my numbers, instead of treating that like an obnoxious woman thing that he doesn't want to deal with. I'm glad he's got my back.

I'm glad I started here, glad I've stuck with it, because this first victory is really gearing me up to feel like I can do the other things I want to do. Still scary to stretch, but it feels good once you get past the scary.

{Money Smarts} Saving on Groceries - The No Coupon Edition

With the feast-of-all-feasts coming up, I thought it an appropriate time to talk groceries. I've done a lot of learning-the-hard-way over the years, and many of you shared awesome grocery tips.

I'm going to be sharing your couponing tips in the next post, but this one is just for those days/weeks/lifetimes that you can't deal with coupons, but still want to save!

1. Meal Plan!


I'm using that as a verb. Sorry if that offends you. I started meal planning a few years ago, and now I can't imagine NOT doing it. What on earth would I do at the grocery store before that?!

We are too fickle to plan out what we're going to eat on a specific day, so I just plan for the number of days between shopping trips (usually 7, because we run out of fresh fruit by then). I come up with 8 meals--7 that I'm planning on, and a back-up easy one in case we're fickle AND too lazy to really cook.

For a while before I got pregnant with Charlie I was crazy and would only grocery shop every two weeks. The second week we just ate canned or frozen fruits/veg. Part of it was I wanted to resist impulse buys, and part of it was, I hated Wal*Mart. (Now I just don't shop there.)

2. Plan Around Sales


I'm still not great at this, because we are picky eaters, but some of you mentioned that you do your meal plan based on what is on sale that week--beef v. chicken, pasta v. rice, fruits/veggies. Brilliant! I am adding this my list of financial to-do's. (It is getting long.)

3. Stock Up


From my limited couponing knowledge I can tell you that grocery stores put things on sale in cycles, with the lowest price happening about every six weeks. Sites like Southern Savers are great for this--they only post items when they are at their lowest, so you don't have to track it yourself. When things are super cheap, stock up! We go through cereal and pasta like crazy, so I always snatch a bunch of that up when its cheap, and then it is always in my pantry ready to go.

4. Get a Raincheck

If the thing you want that is on crazy good sale is wiped clean off the shelves, get a raincheck! (Rainchecks are a little certificate the store issues saying they will honor the sale price for you at a later date when they have stock back in.)

This can work out GREAT if you coupon, but is wonderful even if you don't. I bought 6 jars of Prego last week for less than $1 each a couple weeks back, because I had a BOGO raincheck, and then they went on sale. So I paid the sale price of 3 and then got 3 more free. It was awesome.

5. Stick to the Budget


A lot of you mentioned this (wait, do you want your names dropped? Nicole, Jenna, and Madeline!) and I think it is key. First, budget an amount that you think you can actually keep yourself under (not the amount you WISH you could handle--there's time for that later). Then, stick to it. That means if you're two days from the end of the month and there is $0 in the grocery budget, eat out of the fridge, freezer, and pantry.

This is one of those things that I've never done. If we run out of food, I've always just gone to get more. But that makes no sense considering how much we have already. This month, we're going for it, and so far, so good!

6. Batch Cooking/Freezer Meals


My friend Melissa is a mother of 6 kids, all 8 and under (yes, she is amazing), and she is one of my guru's for everything motherhood. (I've emailed her about everything from budgeting to getting a baby to sleep through the night--she always seems to know the answers.) Anyway SHE WOULD KNOW, right?

She said freezer meals save a bunch. I started doing this mostly because I hate cooking at the end of the day, but now I will also do it because it saves money. Two ways: first, it is usually cheaper to buy in bulk. Second, having something on hand to defrost means we are FAR less likely to order pizza instead. Which we did waaay to much in September. Just saying.

What I do is just make dinner for that night, plus 1 or 2 more batches of it, then freeze. Some stuff gets frozen before its cooked (like pizza dough) others after (like I just made a huge batch of chili and we ate it and had 2 meals worth left).

7. WIC


Okay this is a little off-topic, but I'm going to mention it because (a) lots of people don't know about it and (b) it really helps our grocery bill. WIC stands for Women, Infants, and Children, and it is a state-run grocery supplement program for pregnant or nursing women, babies, and children under 5. If you are under a certain income level and are one of those things, you qualify.

You go in once every 3 months to get "re-certified" which means they do weight check and an iron-level check, talk to you about eating habits, and occasionally you take a short nutrition class. It usually takes about an hour and a half. Then they give you vouchers for things like fruits/veggies, milk, eggs, cheese, bread, cereal, beans, and peanut butter. For babies, they provide formula, grain cereal, and baby food.

I know some people feel iffy about using WIC, because they feel like they are mooching off the system, but here is how I see it. Right now we are in a situation where it really helps our family. That is what it is there for. I know that I pour my girlie more glasses of milk than I would if I had to foot the bill on my own. It is a great program, and I am really glad it exists. Someday we will not need it--we'll be making more money and we will be paying more in taxes, and I figure some of our tax money will go toward helping someone else get more milk for their babies.

Also, I usually don't pick up things I won't use just because they are on the voucher. For example, we don't eat tuna, so I never got it. Charlie is just about done with baby food, so I probably won't be getting that anymore, either, even if they give me a voucher for it.

Here is the national WIC website if you want to learn more about your state's WIC program.

Phew! We're done.

{Money Smarts} Generating Random Income, Part 2

A while back I talked about some really random ways that I generate income, like contests, surveys, and cash back sites for online shopping. Today I'm going to talk about how your bank can pay you more for things you already need.

Earn Interest on Savings AND Checking

Banks want your money, and if they're going to enjoy the benefits of having that cash on hand, why should you give that to them for free? Obviously you want to earn interest on your savings, either in a savings account or a CD, but why not earn interest on ALL the money you have at a bank?

Lots of banks are now offering interest-checking. The interest rate is lower than a savings account, but still--every little bit helps, right? Even 1% interest is as good as a lot of credit card reward rates.

Online banks, like ING Direct (who I've banked with for several years) and Ally often offer better rates, but you can easily shop savings, checking, and CD rates at all kinds of banks & credit unions online at sites like BankRate.com.

Wait for Sign Up Deals

Banks are businesses, and they want to attract new customers just like any other business--which is why they often offer sign-up deals. So when I decided to get an interest checking account with ING Direct, I waited until they had a $50 signup deal. I got a referral link from someone, signed up, paid 3 bills in the first month, and BLAM-O, $50 credited to my account, for something I was going to do anyway.

Right now they have a $25 account opening deal through a referral (I will email you one if you want one), but I suggest waiting until Black Friday--they have great deals and bonuses on sale days sometimes!!

Note: Okay while you may be tempted to open a new account any time you see a bonus, keep in mind that in some cases, opening a bank account can effect your credit score, so, you know, do your research, and don't go overboard. :)

Watch for Bill Pay (or New Service) Deals

A while ago two of my bank accounts (yes, we have money at more than one bank... is that weird?) sent emails offering a bonus if I used their bill pay service. All I had to do was pay from there instead of my credit card or using a check, and I got a $10 bonus from each bank. $20 for paying some bills that I had to pay anyway. Are you noticing the trend? :)

A Few More Things


And while we're talking about banks, just in case you don't know this, you should know that:

1. You don't have to pay a fee for banking. You can make one of those calls to your bank and ask them how to get rid of a charge, or you can switch to a bank with no fees (which is what I did, because our original bank kept sneaking fees back in for other things!)
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2. Lots of banks offer free checks. So look for that if you are a check-person.
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3. Many also offer free ATM transactions. Those add up fast. Online banks, which usually have no physical branch you can go to, usually offer free ATM transactions at ANY bank's ATM.

{Money Smarts: Saving} Making the Call

It all started out so well.

At the beginning of the month I updated my calendar with all my bill due-dates. We put everything on our credit cards (for points + airline miles) and pay them off every month to skip out on finance charges. Anyway, my calendar said two of those big bills were coming up on the same day, so I transfered $1000 from our savings account to our checking and set up my bill pay for each card. Easy peasy.

Except that two days ago we got an email notification that we'd over-drafted our checking account by $900+.

DOH!


After a moment of panic, then embarrassment, I hopped online and verified my fears: I had transfered $1000 the wrong direction, from the near-empty checking account to the savings account. Ugh. Oh, and p.s. how about a $20 fee.

Making the Call

Okay, all insurance ads aside, a few minutes on the phone really can save you a bundle of money. Since I'd been a moron and had a (moronic but) legitimate reason for this horrendous overdraft, I called my credit card company and explained. I'll spare you the full dialogue, but suffice it to say I used the words "embarrassed" and "bonehead," both to describe yours truly. I apologized and asked if there was any way they could knock off the overdraft fee. A few keystrokes later Denise (my service rep--I always call people by name, it evokes good rapport!) said yes.

A few minutes on the phone and I saved $20.

Make Some More Calls

The hubs and I are big proponents of phone calls (or face-to-face contact) to save cash. We've gotten lower rates on our cell phones and internet, a free DVR for my parents, and even stopped our rent from rising by hundreds, just by talking to someone about how much we wanted to pay.

If you've never done it, here's how to do it...

Be Nice

Always, always be nice. Call your service provider, and lead in with a compliment about what you like about their service. If you've been with them for a while, let them know you're loyal by sharing how long you've used their service. Let them know you'd like to stick with them, but you're concerned about the cost.

I also like to use the person's name whenever possible, so they know I'm listening to them.

Make a Comparison

Shop around! See if the provider is offering good deals to new customers, or if their competitor is advertising a great price. Offer this info to your phone rep, and see if they will match or beat the offer for you, the wonderful, loyal customer.

"Is There Anything You Can Do for Me?"


This phrase is key. I explain my situation (we're poor), make my comparisons (your competitor is having a sale!), and then ask if there is anything they can do.

Take it to a Manager


If they can't help you, kindly ask if they think their manager might be able to assist you. Keep being nice.


Be Willing to Walk Away


If you're just not willing to pay, and they're not willing to budge on price, tell them you'd like to cancel. They will most likely send you to their Customer Retention department, where you may finally get the price you've been looking for. If not, be willing to move on to someone new. I'd say 9 times out of 10, I get a better price. The tenth time I move on and find a service that's a better fit.

Sample...


Still not sure how to do it? Here's about what the free-DVR conversation went like.

Me: Hi. My parents have had satellite with you for 10 years. I noticed you're offering free DVR to your new customers. My parents would love a DVR.
Rep: Great. They can get two DVRs for $38.99 per month.
Me: Well, they really don't want to pay anything.
Rep: Oh, I'm sorry. $38.99 is actually a really great price for two.
Me: Yeah, but they really don't want to pay anything. They're really happy with your service, and I don't want to have to switch them over to another company, but it seems like if your new customers get free DVR there might be some way my parents could get that, too. So is there anything you can do for me?
Rep: Let me check a few things. (hold music) I see a promotion that would give them the DVRs free for a year.
Me: Great! What would happen after a year.
Rep: Then they would have to pay the regular fee.
Me: They really don't want to pay a fee. Is there any way we could keep this service for free?
Rep: Sure. Call us back when the promotion runs out and we'll try to find you a new one.
Me: Great, lets do that then.

They sent someone out the next day to install the DVRs. Free. :)

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